PRESENTATION

Cette fiction est écrite autour du groupe de rock/metal alternatif My Chemical Romance, et plus particulièrement autour de Gerard Arthur Way, le chanteur du groupe.
Pour l'instant ( 10/08/12 ), je pense l'écrire en anglais. Je déciderai par la suite de poursuivre tout en anglais, d'en écrire simplement des chapitres en anglais, ou d'abandonner l'idée. Je verrai si je la traduirai ensuite, ou non. Le choix de l'anglais est motivé d'une part par le fait qu'il s'agisse de l'idiome du groupe, et donc qu'il m'est impossible de les imaginer parler une autre langue, et d'autre part parce... Qu'il faut que je travaille mon anglais.
Il est possible que vous soyiez perdus au niveau de la temporalité dans la fiction, c'est plus ou moins voulu : les chapitres ne seront pas nécessairement classés par ordre chronologique, je pense

Je vais essayer de coller plus ou moins à la réalité et à la biographie du groupe même si quelques détails sont encore flous pour moi, ou incertains : j'ai beau passer des heures à lire ou à écouter des interviews, des fois, ça se mélange... x))

Pour une meilleure lisibilité, je vais faire un post par chapitre
N'hésitez pas à me dire ce que vous en pensez, et surtout si vous préféreriez qu'elle soit écrite en français, ou si vous voulez des précisions dessus x)

0


- I... I start all over again ?
- Please.
- Right. Well... First of all, I wanna say it's... Just somethin' annoyin', ya know ? I... Okay, Aa-I came so I can tell somebody about that... That... Nightmare. It's just a fuckin' nightmare, ya know. In fact, I wouldn't have come if I wasn't that obsessed ! It's... I don't talk about it to Lindsey because she would... Worry, you know ? I don't want her to worry because of a stupid dream, it'd be... Wrong. She has so much things to think of... And still she cares about me, 'n what 'Am doin', 'n Bandit. Sure, Bandit. I don't want my girls to feel uncomfortable... I'm a father, now. I need to protect them. And, the guys... In the band... Aa-I just can't. I don't want them to remember about how I was, and I know they would think I just... Stepped into it again. Of course, I didn't. And on the top of this, they would worry about the band. ... 'Don't want anybody to worry, 'cuz...
- ... What if you told me about that "nightmare" ?
- Yeah. Sorry 'bout 'that. It's... It's... backstage. I know it's backstage, it's really clear but... We don't look the same. I... had dark hair. ... So it's before... Before The Black Parade. It's the good thing about changing your haircut everytime ! Haha ! Wait... Maybe not. I dyed them again after. Before 2008. Or... ... Ah don't know, but I feel like... Like it was before The Black Parade ; we're all here but... Matt is absent. Neither is Bob. I mean... My imagination didn't just switch both of them, it erased them. It's... Strange, isn't it?
- Mr Way...
- Allright. I'm a bit talkative, I know. Way too much according to Mikey, haha...
- You're nervous, aren't you ?
- No... No. I'm... Well, not "nervous"... But a bit, a bit...
- A bit nervous, Mr. Way. Do not hide. Just try to tell me that "nightmare" clearly.
- I do ! I... Okay, 'am nervous. Who cares ? I mean... It's just... I don't sleep. And I don't give a fuck 'bout that dream, okay ?! I just wanna sleep, and feel like there's nothing wrong again because I can't... That's it, I can't concentrate. I need to... Concentrate. 'ur fifth studio album is gonna out, and...
- And you, you're gonna tell me that "nightmare", otherwise...
- ... Okay.
- Relax. You're backstage, and... Maybe before The Black Parade came out... So it's before...?
- Before summer 2006.
- Okay. What happens ?
- A chick. She's... really beautiful, you know. But she wears too much make-up, and she's cryin'... So the make-up runs down her cheeks. She... She's a bit... Red, because she cried. She... Must be crying for a long time, and still she's crying really hard. You can read pain on the face, it's... Terribly sad. She... She hugs Mikey, my brother. His hair are fair. So it's nowadays. She hugs him, he hugs her too. It's like they knew each other. I think I know her too, I think... She looks like Meghan... An old friend of mine. But... Mikey suddently looks like somethin's wrong ! He... His eyes are wide-opened ! She whispers " Don't move ", and I hear it as if she was basically talking to me... But just close, you know. As if she was close. Or maybe as if she was in my head ! I don't... I don't really know ! It's...
- It's a nightmare, that's why some details are a bit ...foggy, right ? Don't worry about it, don't try to explain. Just tell me what you see. Just what you see.
- Mikey obeys. She... She puts the gun, a killjoy gun, just... on his temple. I know it's just a toy, but I guess... I guess it's not. It can hurt Mikey. He starts shouting... Like " What do you dooo ? ". And, she says : " I want to make him pay ". I feel like she's talking 'bout me. I say : " Don't shoot him ". It's a toy but I know... The room is silent. Just I feel like...
- Come on, Mr Way. Cry if you want to, or just dry your tears. You must tell me... All the things that you see, and that happen. Then... I'll help you.
- Well... I add : " He doesn't have anything to deal with you and I. " She answers : " He matters. To you... And somehow, to me too, because he's the only one... Who matters, to you, fucking Liar. ... Sorry. " She kills him. He falls on the floor. Bleeding... Dead. I hear Frankie who screams. Me I... Cry, and I don't move. And she says : " I can hurt you anymore." ... And kills herself. ... Then I wake up."

1

- I hope he'll recognize you...

Just heard Mikey's voice.
This one, I'd recognize it among thousands. My little brother, my little sunshine. But I recognize how upset he sounds. How disappointed he sounds. How much I failed him. But he can't understand. He can't, and nobody can.
I'm all alone, and I've always been. In my own world, even him can't enter.
But I take a breath, close my eyes for a moment, and open it straight after. As if it could extract me for a while to this foggy vision I'm in. Clouded.
But what clouded me ?
To me, Am I clouded when I'm drunk, or when I've taken drugs... Or am I clouded when I'm sober ?
... Right now, I'm clouded because of Mikey. Because of that voice, that female who just comes and says, as if she didn't see I wasn't ok for that :

- Remember me, Mr Way ?

Last things I remember are that bottle I drank. Those pills of xanax I took before we played. And that feeling... Felt good.
I felt fucking good before Mikey came. I felt good in my own world. My own overprotecting and overdestroying world.
No matter what, I look at her. Maybe because I think Mikey knows her. Yeah, for sure he knows her. So maybe... Maybe is it our parents ? My mother ?
No... She doesn't sound the same.
No. She's a just a chick. Dark hair, hazel eyes, dimples. Beautiful girl, I mean. Quite common, but with that... Thing I couldn't really explain that made her attractive. More attractive than another girl who would have the same body.
She doesn't sound like a normal girl. The smile on her face... Shining. I know 'am perfectly wasted. But still she smiles at me as if I was the cutest guy she had ever seen. Or even as if I was a child.
Yeah... Childish. She's childish.
I feel childish.
She's like...Childish and childishing somehow.

- Meghan ?

I said it with that strange voice every drunk boy has.
But I feel... Like a kid in front of her. She laughs. Something really clear, healthy. She laughs as if I was just joking and she found it funny. It isn't.
I wanna scream at her : " IT IS NOT FUNNY ! "
Nothing's funny 'bout me. Nothing's funny about what I'm living. Nothing's funny.
So I want her to shut the fuck up.
But this annoying laugh is making me smile.
A bit like a rainbow on a pouring day : it makes you feel like it's wrong because there's no sun, but still it is so nice that you can't really moan or complain, because you know it wouldn't have existed if it hadn't rained. So even if you have to cancel all the things you had planned... You smile.


- Haha, Mikey ! You're so pessimistic ! He recognized me really fast ! Faster than you !!!

She turns her back.
I wanna scream : " Don't turn your back on me ! ". But I can't. Upset but in calm way. Upset but under Xanax.

- Mikey !? ... Oh god, where is he gone again ?! ... MIKEY ?!

It looks like Meghan is searching for him.
So why did she come ?
Why is she here if she only wanted to see Mikey ?
Why do I feel so jalous ?
Can't answer. Can't really express myself. Feel paralyzed even if I can move. Fell strucked into that position, watching, expecting, rejected. But talentful. Alone in front of the crowd.
I used to be alone in the crowd, nobody used to notice me. And now, now I'm just... In front of them, but far from them.
Too far for anybody to reach me.

- Mr Gerard Arthur Way ! Gee ! I'm so happy to see you again ! ... It's going good for you, right ?

Stared at her.
Burst into tears.
Wrong.

- Damn !

She said it like a reproach. Why ? Why the hell am I not allowed to cry ?
Is she really that blind ? No, there isn't anything which is going good. It should be. But it's not. My Chemical Romance is being more and more successful. My dream of becoming comic strip writer is flying away. Disappearing as fast as I become the famous singer of this new famous rock band.
And now, now that the decision is made, now there is no turning back. I'm engaged. I'm trapped.
I trapped myself.

- ... Why are you crying ?

I open my eyes again.
And I can see her face. She looks perfectly sincere, perfectly surprised. She looks pure. She looks everything I don't look anymore. I just feel dirty. And ashamed. Ashamed because her question isn't that surprising. I have everything I wanted to have, and still I am crying on what I could have had.

- Dissatisfied.

She stares me wide-eyed, surprised. She's the same as the others. She cannot understand. She can't understand I'm not the one who is standing in front of the crowd. She can't understand I can't forget it's not me. Nobody can.
But somehow, it looks like she's trying, struggling to understand. She frowns, she thinks, she cares.

- You need to sleep... And to sleep it off ! ... Then we'll talk. Just sleep, now.

2

- When did it start ?

I frowned.
How could I give a date ? Why should I give a date ? Was it that important ?
The only thing I wanted to solve was today, or even tomorrow. The past is behind. The past is far. And nobody should live in their past, so why should I think about it ?
Where would it bring me to ? In what trap ?
You only live forever in the lights you make**... And the shit I made in the past is quite dark, so I won't give a fuck.

- Don't know, I whispered
- You should.
- Why ?
- I ask the questions. You answer. You think. You stop pretending. ... For a while.

She smiled. Was she really making fun of me ?
Maybe... Maybe I was funny... Maybe she was right... Maybe I was just pretending...

- You mean, when did I start pretending ?
- I mean... When did it went wrong, Mr Way ?

Frowned again.
This way not to call anything, as if I had to call everything. As if she was talking about something she didn't really know. I explained it. The day before.

- I guess it went wrong when I felt I had to do so.
- ... That you "had" to do so ? What are you talking about ? What did you "had" to do ?
- You know what I'm talking about... All this shit... Scene... ... I felt like... I had to do something, to say something, to change something because... It was so wrong that I just couldn't stay here and watch it all burn !
- September, the 11th ?
- a metaphor for something else, something deeper*.
- Deeper ?
- I mean, the world. Teenagers are reading crappy and ugly magazines, doing self-harm and feeling ashamed about what they are. They feel like they don't have any future. I felt so ! I felt like I had no life, you know ? Nothing but this life I was faking and drawing...
- ... And now it changed so you're lost ?
- What changed ?
- You.

My eyes popped out. She was staring at me, without a smile, with this deep expression, and this strength in her words. I felt like she was going beyond the role she was giving, but I understood she was truly helping me.
Lighting a part of my mind.
What if I forgot to think about myself ? I was so obsessed by the things that revolved around me that I didn't see that I changed. That I was what failed, what wasn't right.
What if I forgot my own words ?
Talent can only take you so far; it's your point of view on the world that makes a difference*

* Citation ou partie d'une citation de Gerard Way
** Partie de la chanson The Kids From Yesterday